Tonight we are going to Nolan, one of Athens’ trendiest restaurants. Though according to their website, Nolan is more than just an eatery where the fancy crowd go to nosh on small plates of Greek fusion cuisine. The “Nolanverse…” as they describe it, “could just be an impressive name that tries to give consistency to all our different projects. What it really is, is a universe.” Christ. I’m not really sure if I’m worthy of such an experience. I better brush my hair.
To get in the mood for some high-class wining and dining, we stop for a drink at The Dolli, a 5 star hotel just around the corner in Plaka. A basic room here will cost you more than the average month’s rent in Athens, and to justify this, the lobby has several platters of boujee sweets laid out under glass, like an archaeological exhibit. They look so good that Lord Elgin would have swiped them for the British museum but I’m hungover and need something stronger than candy.
A lovely member of staff offers us a nice table and the cocktail menu. The drinks are almost as expensive as the Guerlain hand cream in the toilets, but in my humble opinion they are worth the money. I’ve ordered something called Downtown: a signature made of bourbon, bitters and coffee vermouth, with a cute little chocolate cherry on top. With every sip I feel enveloped in a noirish private eye novel and I start to feel better immediately. Not everyone is happy though.
An American woman behind us complains that her cocktail has too much citrus and not enough vodka. The server is a little confused. “So you want more alcohol?” he asks innocently. This is hilarious because it makes her sound either cheap or a lush, perhaps both, and when she realises that we are listening she tries desperately to save some face.
“It’s just… not a very well made cocktail...” she snorts, despite the fact that it’s obvious she has never made herself a sandwich let alone mixed a decent drink. Some more milky white folks walk in, all dressed like they’ve either stepped off a yacht or the set of Jordan Peele’s Get Out. I want to see where this is going, but unfortunately it’s time for us to hit the Nolanverse.
Last time I was here, back in 2019, the best tables inside were left empty all night. A local told me this was in case some Greek celebrities strolled in unannounced, but tonight the place is full, despite it being late on a Monday. The air outside is cool, though not cold, and my tsípouro Old Fashioned is easing everything into place. The only thing that could make this better is if I couldn’t hear the man behind me, waffling on about culture to his bored female date.
The food arrives plate by plate and each one is exquisite. The roasted cabbage has a slightly charred taste, which is offset perfectly by the combination of pear, celery, green beans and pistachio. The dumplings are referred to as Pilmeni, which makes them sound Russian, but to me they seem more like Asian wanton, served in a lemongrass beef broth that’s both refreshing and meaty.
The next thing that arrives is the Black Angus skirt steak, which is basically raw but incredibly tender, served with a few juicy mushrooms and a tangy chimichurri sauce. Finally we are brought the duck, with nectarine and pureed pumpkin. My toxic trait is that I believe I could replicate this at home in my own kitchen but, unlike our friend from the posh hotel, deep down I know it was made by professionals and I’d never get close.
Normally this would be the moment to bask in the flavours but unfortunately I can’t stop hearing the couple behind us. The boring man has finally allowed his date a word in and she’s talking about the films of Mira Nair. While discussing Mississippi Masala, he refers to Denzel Washington with the N word, delivered with a perfectly hard R. I’m so shocked that I think I’ve imagined it. I’ve never heard a white person say that word so casually before. Then he says it again.
That’s the thing, you see, with high end places like this. They may not be cheap, but the food is fantastic, the drinks are sublime and you know you’ll be around a better class of people.
Nolan. Voulis 31 - 33, Athina 105 57, Greece